The Holocaust

An assignment in my College Business Apps class is to fill out 6 scholarships.  I've found one that I'm really stoked about doing.  It's a Holocaust Remembrance Essay.  I've always wanted to learn more about The Holocaust.  It's always been a topic in about every english class since junior high, but I always feel disatisfied with the information given.  So I went to the library and checked out some books on The Holocaust and Darfur, because part of the requirements is to make The Holocaust relevant and explain why it is so important to remember it.  I'm currently completely engulfed in the book Night by Elie Weisel.  It's so amazing I can't hardly put it down.  It's very rare that a book catches my attention like that.  It's definately a hard read but I think it's important to remember the Holocaust, and feel sad about it.  It was an incredibly tragic event in history.  I can't say I like the feeling it gives me to think about the millions of people that died, I can't say anybody likes it.  It's just something real, something that happened.  I always remember in 8th grade I had the most amazing english teacher.  Her name was Ms. English.  Haha she was amazing and when we learned about the Holocuast she had this incredibly dispriting illustration.  She had a bucket of metal marbles and she slowly drained them to another bucket.  She did this several times, it lasted about twenty minutes if I remember correctly.  It really hit home for a lot of people and some students couldn't handle it and they had to leave.  The marbles were representing the lives taken.  Of course twenty minutes of this couldn't even begin to do justice to the death of the Holocaust, but that was part of the reason it was so dismal.  The illustration was so long, yet it wasn't even long enough.  A while ago I went to see Anne Frank with my friend Kirstin.  It was a school production, but it was done very well.  We have a good drama team at school.  I cried at the end.  It always takes my breath away to think that Anne Frank was still able to see the good in people even after everything she went through, everything her family went through, her people.  I'm ready to submerge myself in the events of the Holocaust and feel sad.  I'm ready to write a kick butt paper and make my parents proud, because I feel like I've let them down with my crappy grades.  I've let myself down.  

"It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart."  

Dream

I had a dream the other morning.  I tend to dream in the mornings, well I mean I remember my dreams from the morning best.  I somehow bipassed three alarms and slept in until 6:00, which felt amazing.  I can't say I'll do it again, but it was nice.  Anyways, so I had this dream that I was running on the beach.  I was just a running and running, I'm not sure if I was running from something but all I remember is it felt incredibly peaceful.  I've always liked the freedom in running.  One time at the park, with my friend Amanda, we just busted it out and started running.  There is a freedom in running that I cannot describe.  It's weird because at some point I begin to feel caged by running, because it's such a strain to my body, but I imagine if I could make it past that runners block, that beginning freedom would return and I'd have to force myself to start walking again.  In my dream I wasn't short of breath, I didn't feel like I was about to puke, I was just running and running on the beach or... wherever it was exactly I don't know but nevertheless it had a beachy feel, and perhaps I slept in so late because I didn't want to have to stop running.  

I'm not sure what a dream about running means.  I strongly believe dreams carry a deeper meaning.  However some are just frivelous nothings of your day, but this one... I think it means something, and what it means, I don't know.  I remember feeling so peaceful thinking about it earlier today, but then I started really thinking about it just now and I got really anxious.  I guess God will show me in due time, He's been revealing to me His incredible majesty in the world of time.  Everything has seemed to time out so perfectly lately.  

Have you even listened to a song that just made you close your eyes, and seep it in through your pores?  Have you ever rolled down the window in your car and just felt like sticking your head out, closing your eyes and waving your hands in the air?  Wouldn't that be awesome if we could drive with our eyes closed?  Driving is just so peaceful and when the window is down it's like the breeze is just pulsating through you, congratulations, you're alive and well.

An Obvious Inability to Stay Motivated

My grade reports currently aren't lookin too hot.  I only have three classes but somehow I managed to let my grades drop to a C average.  Not that a C is a bad grade, if you have one.  I ditched PE WAY too much and I have a D in that class.  We're going swimming this week and if I don't go I'll fail PE.  I can always raise my grade after swimming but swimming is double points and you can't make it up.  Mrs. Brinkman is also a no excuses sort of lady.  She doesn't care if you're a lady and it's your time of the month or if you're afraid of the water or if you can't swim.  You swim anyways.  If you're absent the points can't be made up.  It will be a good way to raise my grade to just GO TO GYM!!!  I really wish though I wouldn't have ditched so much so I could then have some wiggle room with swimming.  I also have a C in English from slacking off with Huck Finn.  I'm sure I bombed the test and I never did the study guides completely.  My excuse has been that it's the beginning of the semester, but it's a little too far into the semester to be using that anymore.  The last test we did in math I did terribly on.  The last chapter totally lost me and I didn't turn in several assignments.  I took notes like a mad woman in class to try to stay awake and figure out what to do but I still didn't do well on the test.  I have a B in Health Care and I'm not sure why... that's probably the most disappointing grade I have, even though it's just a B but that should be the class I succeed in the most.  I have on A and that's in College Business Apps.  I really need to get my butt motivated and work harder.  I'm always carrying around the excuse that I'm so busy but really I'm just lazy.  I have a B in my french class which is surprising considering I never do the homework so I need to start doing the homework so I don't lose that grade.  The homework isn't even hard.  I could just put down the most random crap and she would never know the difference she just checks off for completion.  RAH I'M SUCH AN UNMOTIVATED LAZY BUM.  I'm not even a senior yet and I already have senioritis.  Maybe it has something to do with my schedule being much like the schedule of a senior.  I'm excited for next year though.  I took an anthropology class!  I think that will be fun.  I also took sculpting which I'm super stoked about!!!  YAY!!!  Spring break is coming up next month so that will give me something to look forward to and help me work harder, cause there is an end in sight.  Haha.

AMAZING

Every year while preparing to go to Nicaragua God has blessed me in a HUGE way.  The finances always pop out of nowhere.  The first year I got a big donation from my dad's work and then the next year in spite of all the pessimists around me declaring I wouldn't raise the money I got an anonymous $500 donation.  This year I've been doing some house cleaning to raise the money and I've raised about $200 on my own already.  Recently my parents have been given $200 for whatever they wish to do with from some good friends.  Well my mom said the only way she would accept it is if it went towards my trip to Nicaragua!!!

WOAH.

God is such an awesome God.  He never ever ceases to amaze me.  The total cost of going to Nicaragua is rather intimidating but I have to tell you I am always sure the money will come.  It breaks my heart when people don't have the faith that it will come.  It's very discouraging to have people around you that think you won't be able to do it, that of all things GOD won't be able to do it.  Guess what?  I believe my God is bigger than anything on this planet.  I've seen Him do amazing things and I love Him so much!