AMAZING

Every year while preparing to go to Nicaragua God has blessed me in a HUGE way.  The finances always pop out of nowhere.  The first year I got a big donation from my dad's work and then the next year in spite of all the pessimists around me declaring I wouldn't raise the money I got an anonymous $500 donation.  This year I've been doing some house cleaning to raise the money and I've raised about $200 on my own already.  Recently my parents have been given $200 for whatever they wish to do with from some good friends.  Well my mom said the only way she would accept it is if it went towards my trip to Nicaragua!!!

WOAH.

God is such an awesome God.  He never ever ceases to amaze me.  The total cost of going to Nicaragua is rather intimidating but I have to tell you I am always sure the money will come.  It breaks my heart when people don't have the faith that it will come.  It's very discouraging to have people around you that think you won't be able to do it, that of all things GOD won't be able to do it.  Guess what?  I believe my God is bigger than anything on this planet.  I've seen Him do amazing things and I love Him so much!  

A New Kind Of Worship

Lately the sky has been so marvelously beautiful.  I'm not too sure if I have just been oblivious to the sky my whole life, and now I'm just seeing it with new eyes, or if the sky really does look that much more beautiful than before.  I don't know but whatever the case I am in awe at the beauty of the sky.  Each morning while driving to school I look into the sky and see the sun peeping up above the horizon.  It creates luminous pink, orange, and purple clouds.  I have to take a moment to thank my God for such a sight.  It seriously gives me goosebumps and I worship Him for blessing me with such a sight.  Although the weather conditions are often less than enjoyable in Cheyenne it doesn't hinder how BIG the sky looks here.  I've always thought I was more of a tree person but perhaps I'm a prairie girl, born and raised.  I'm loving these HUGE skies, it's almost intimidating but yet so incredibly majestic.  I'm left to wonder how a person could deny the existence of a higher power with a sight like that.  You think that sky is a result of some scientific theory?  No way.   

In The Facilities

So last Mon was our first night in the facilities.

Due to HIPAA laws and regulations I really cannot tell you any of my humorous stories...

However I am allowed to tell you that it was a lot better than I thought and I had a lot of fun.  Being in the nursing home is at first overwhelming but in time you get used to it.  I'm really excited to get to know the residents there.  Some of them are just hilarious.  I'm scared for next week, but I'm excited too.  I didn't really do a whole lot this week, I just kind of followed my CNA around and watched her do everything, but it was a good learning experience nonetheless and I enjoyed it thouroughly.. . (I don't know how to spell that word.. it looks odd but anyways you get what I mean).

I learned that working in health care is pretty much like any other job when it comes to your coworkers and the what not.  You have the people who do their job like a maniac, and everyone else's too, and you have those people who don't do their job, and they don't help anyone else either.  It doesn't seem fair to have that kind of a person in health care when lives are on the line but I saw a lot of that going down in the facility.  My student partner and I had a CNA who was pretty much doing everyone else's job, and hers on top of it.  You have those people who go out for a cigarette break and those people who text and all that.   It's frustrating but I don't care where you work that kind of stuff is going to happen.  

Not Too Glamourous

The other night at small group we discussed that the dreams God gives you are not easy.  They aren't going to seem possible and they will scare you.

At that moment the first thing I thought about is my wanting to be a nurse.

I do actually really think that would be so awesome.  I just go really scared.

Scared?  Yea maybe this is what God wants me to do then.  Does it seem impossible?  Oh my yes it does.  However here's what I figured out.  To become a nurse you have to climb the ladder.  I'm sure it's the same way for any job/career you want.  You can't just say well golly I want to be a nurse and be a nurse.  You have to do several months of training.  5 long hours once a week...

You have to wipe old geezers bums and bring them their soup.  You have to help them get dressed and help them shower and bathe.  You have to make the bed with them in it and you have to deal with their... odors.  

It's not by any means glamours.  Not to say that once you climb the ladder and do all the training it gets any better.  I mean being a nurse just isn't a glamorous job.  However the thing I really would like to do is work in labor and delivery or in the PEDS area of the hospital.  The other night while babysitting Anjali and Caitlyn I was feeding Anjali and I thought how special, how awesome it would be to become a pediatric nurse.  In order to do that I have to start somewhere.  I have to start at the bottom.  I can't expect it to be something I fully enjoy right away, and the hard truth is I don't.  I don't look forward to Mon nights and I don't really much look forward to the idea of being a CNA, other than you know the paycheck.  Ha.  I do know though that I have a passion for helping people and I've always felt really comfortable in hospitals... which is odd but I love being in hospitals.  I'd like to work at one.  I realize I will still have to work with the old folks even after I climb the ladder but if I specialize in pediatrics then I'll be there on most days.  I do like old people, but the videos we watch in clinicals are all the warning videos about how rude some of the people at nursing homes can be.  That scares me, but hey when I first started working at The Maxx I was scared.  I got over though.  I've been there for almost a year now and I quite enjoy it.  I'm no longer scared, I now what I'm doing.  I didn't at first and I had my rude customers, I still do.  You can't get out of that when you work with the public.  New beginnings are scary but I know it will be OK.  By June I'll be a CNA and if I'm lucky I can get a job for the summer at Life Care or the VA and start saving to take the test and then I can go to college and be an RN and... yea.  Haha.  I know I'm really unfocused and I'll probably write a blog tomorrow about how much I don't want to be a nurse, but I'll stick to it anyways and then it'll be OK.  

 

Faith

When someone says they believe in God, you think, that person has faith.  

There's a need to have faith in God, because for the most part that's all we have.  With the world always telling us that God is some sort of comfort or whatever, and that He doesn't really exist we really do have to have strong faith to back that up.  I'm the kind of person that absorbs all the opinions around me and tries to find a way to like or agree with them all.  I'm not very oppionated at all... there are however a few things I strongly believe in.  Those things take a lot of faith for me because I'm so easily persuaded.  Well anyways this is kind just a prologue into what this blog is really for...

So I learned today that we have to learn to have faith in people too.  That's something I really need to work on.  I asked my friend Brandon to go to lunch with me and I haven't been friends with him for very long, and he's like a HXC pothead so I figured hey, he'll probably forget.  Now, as legit as those reasons are I still should have given him the benefit of the doubt.  I ended up waiting for about 5 minutes and I saw everyone leaving and so I just left without him.  He then texted me later and said I forgot to wait for him.  I felt so bad because we didn't really understand where we were supposed to meet so he was somewhere waiting, and I was somewhere waiting... I felt so bad.  I should have called him but I didn't want to seem all annoying if he did in fact forget or decide he didn't want to go... it was a really lame thing for me to do...  Well we are just going to have to go to lunch another time cause I'm pretty sure he wasn't too bent up about it.  I just feel really bad that I was thinking he would leave me to wait like that.  Brandon is a real nice fella, maybe he is a pothead, but he's nice and I shouldn't have assumed he would ditch me.  Sorry man.

The Scariest Thing

The spiritual world.

To me, the scariest thing ever is the world in which demons and angels live.  We got talking about it at small group the other night, and I got so scared.  I was afraid to go to the bathroom... and I really had to go.  

I'm a scaredy cat already.  I can't watch two minutes of a scary movie without getting scared.  Sometimes I think about the first time I watched The Ring, or The Others and I get super scared.  One of the things that scares me the most is the reality of some of these scary movies.  The Ring and The Others are silly fiction and none of that could ever really happe, but like TX Chainsaw, or The Exorcism of Emily Rose, that's the kind of stuff that can really take place and it scares the crap out of me.  I think to myself, how would I act if that was me?  What if the TX chainsaw dude was coming after me?  Would I cry?  Would I find the strength in myself to pray?  What if I was just in my bed late at night and I saw demons?  Would I cry?  Would I find the strength in myself to pray?  I have no clue what I would do.  I don't think I could handle it.  

The spiritual world exists.  It lives, it breaths, it thrives.  Don't be a fool and ignore that.  Thanks to God and His Son, we are protected from that.  We shouldn't fear.  

I Know

I know what's really in my heart no matter how distracted I may become by silly things.  I know that who I really am, and who I really want to be is a beliver.  I want to love God with all that's in me.  That's all that matters right now is that I know that.  I know if I walked away from it all today, I would be lonely, desperate, and full of sorrow.  I honestly believe if I didn't have God in my life, I probably would have just killed myself last year.  Instead I kept believing that God was there for me, and He would provide for me what I needed.  He did just that.  Praise God.