Hello Trisha. This is God Speaking.

I'm listening.

I'm not getting it.

You keep teasing me.  Throwing life right in my face.  HERE IT IS TRISHA!  THIS IS LIFE!  I'm sure I've probably misunderstood the meaning of life then, cause you keep taking it right out of my reach.

A few weeks ago there was a real possibility that Bry might have to move.  It made me so sad I had no moivation to do anything.  All I wanted to do was sulk and fall deeper into the loneliness I was preparing to feel.  Bry is an amazing friend and God has really blessed me with her.  

I feel like He is telling me, Oh... Haha just kidding Trish.  

I know God isn't doing that to me.  There's a lesson somewhere deep inside this... somewhere DEEP insided this.  I can't find it.

I'm sure if you're reading this you probably know that Bry is my dearest, closest friend.  We spend a LOT of time together, and I'm happy to report I really don't get sick of her.  She has an incredible spirit, an unbelievable maturity, and a really really awe-some love for God.   

Bry told me she wasn't going to have to move!

I got my butt of the couch and I had a zest for life again.

I realize there shouldn't be this much riding on one single person.

Maybe the lesson here is God should be all I need.

Bry might have to move again.

HERE TRISHA!  HERE'S AN AMAZING FRIEND FOR YOU!

HAHAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING YOU DON'T GET TO KEEP HER!

Yea OK so God's not like that he doesn't say stuff like that.  

I'm just so frustrated.  It seems as if ever since I was in kindergarten all the good friends I made moved away.  

I'm not friends with any of them anymore.

I don't want that to be Bry and I.

Of course, that was elementary school, so that was an incredibly long time ago and I probably wouldn't have anything in common with any of them anymore.

I just want to be Bry's friend.

I just don't want her to have to move.

Everytime I think about it I just feel lonely already.

My silent prayer is for Bry to get to stay here.

I know she might HAVE to move, I know it might be what's best for her mom and her dad.  

My reasons are selfish, I know.

I just seem to spend so much time praying for a friend.

God gave me one.

An awesome one.

My best friend.

Now He's just going to rip her away?

Hello Trisha.

What do you want out of life?

I want my life to be extraoridnary.

But WHAT do you want?

I suppose I haven't the slightest clue.

I thought I knew EXACTLY what I wanted.

Apparently not.

It was set.  I was going to do clinicals next semester, get my CNA.  Move onto nursing school.  Work as a medical missionary.

...

I don't want to be a nurse anymore.

...

Maybe it's just me being lazy.

Maybe I just don't want to do clinicals.

I haven't figured that out yet.

Maybe I'm afraid because it's going to be hard.

Here's what it boils down to:

I'm not particularly a people person.

...

That doesn't fly so well if you're working as a nurse.

It's not just that I'm shy and quiet either.

I sometimes get a little snippy with people at TJMaxx.

...

I love the health care field.

I find it all incredibly fascinating.

I suppose maybe I want to land somewhere in health care, or something related.

These are the thoughts I've been rolling through my mind all day.

_Social worker

_Orthopedic Dr. 

_Forensic Scientist

_Archeologist

_Missionary straight up, nothing medical about it.

My favorite idea is social worker.  It would be incredibly draining, but oh so rewarding.

Orthopedic doctor... that would be cool.  Bones are fascinating.

Forensic scientist...  I don't know how I feel about digging up dead people.  We're the only culture in the world who finds that to be a respectable career.  If you really think about it... yea it's pretty raunchy.  I wouldn't care to do that. 

Archeologist?

That would be awesome!

However schools for archeology are few and far between.  They're also incredibly expensive.  

Archeology kind of goes back to forensic science too.

I don't know how I feel about digging up dead people, and ancient remains.

Missionary.

Awesome.

What happens when I'm too old for it?

...

I don't know.  It's so frustrating.  I want to just go with the flow.

It's so difficult.

My parents were so excited when I told them I wanted to be a nurse.  Everyone was so excited.

Maybe it's the kids I sit next to.

I really get annoyed with them...

ha I don't know.

I think the bottom line is I don't want to be a nurse.

So I'm hopefully going to get out of HCCII next sememster and choose a different class to take.

Maybe I'll be a paramedic.  I love Basic Emergency Care.