A New Kind Of Worship

Lately the sky has been so marvelously beautiful.  I'm not too sure if I have just been oblivious to the sky my whole life, and now I'm just seeing it with new eyes, or if the sky really does look that much more beautiful than before.  I don't know but whatever the case I am in awe at the beauty of the sky.  Each morning while driving to school I look into the sky and see the sun peeping up above the horizon.  It creates luminous pink, orange, and purple clouds.  I have to take a moment to thank my God for such a sight.  It seriously gives me goosebumps and I worship Him for blessing me with such a sight.  Although the weather conditions are often less than enjoyable in Cheyenne it doesn't hinder how BIG the sky looks here.  I've always thought I was more of a tree person but perhaps I'm a prairie girl, born and raised.  I'm loving these HUGE skies, it's almost intimidating but yet so incredibly majestic.  I'm left to wonder how a person could deny the existence of a higher power with a sight like that.  You think that sky is a result of some scientific theory?  No way.   

In The Facilities

So last Mon was our first night in the facilities.

Due to HIPAA laws and regulations I really cannot tell you any of my humorous stories...

However I am allowed to tell you that it was a lot better than I thought and I had a lot of fun.  Being in the nursing home is at first overwhelming but in time you get used to it.  I'm really excited to get to know the residents there.  Some of them are just hilarious.  I'm scared for next week, but I'm excited too.  I didn't really do a whole lot this week, I just kind of followed my CNA around and watched her do everything, but it was a good learning experience nonetheless and I enjoyed it thouroughly.. . (I don't know how to spell that word.. it looks odd but anyways you get what I mean).

I learned that working in health care is pretty much like any other job when it comes to your coworkers and the what not.  You have the people who do their job like a maniac, and everyone else's too, and you have those people who don't do their job, and they don't help anyone else either.  It doesn't seem fair to have that kind of a person in health care when lives are on the line but I saw a lot of that going down in the facility.  My student partner and I had a CNA who was pretty much doing everyone else's job, and hers on top of it.  You have those people who go out for a cigarette break and those people who text and all that.   It's frustrating but I don't care where you work that kind of stuff is going to happen.  

Not Too Glamourous

The other night at small group we discussed that the dreams God gives you are not easy.  They aren't going to seem possible and they will scare you.

At that moment the first thing I thought about is my wanting to be a nurse.

I do actually really think that would be so awesome.  I just go really scared.

Scared?  Yea maybe this is what God wants me to do then.  Does it seem impossible?  Oh my yes it does.  However here's what I figured out.  To become a nurse you have to climb the ladder.  I'm sure it's the same way for any job/career you want.  You can't just say well golly I want to be a nurse and be a nurse.  You have to do several months of training.  5 long hours once a week...

You have to wipe old geezers bums and bring them their soup.  You have to help them get dressed and help them shower and bathe.  You have to make the bed with them in it and you have to deal with their... odors.  

It's not by any means glamours.  Not to say that once you climb the ladder and do all the training it gets any better.  I mean being a nurse just isn't a glamorous job.  However the thing I really would like to do is work in labor and delivery or in the PEDS area of the hospital.  The other night while babysitting Anjali and Caitlyn I was feeding Anjali and I thought how special, how awesome it would be to become a pediatric nurse.  In order to do that I have to start somewhere.  I have to start at the bottom.  I can't expect it to be something I fully enjoy right away, and the hard truth is I don't.  I don't look forward to Mon nights and I don't really much look forward to the idea of being a CNA, other than you know the paycheck.  Ha.  I do know though that I have a passion for helping people and I've always felt really comfortable in hospitals... which is odd but I love being in hospitals.  I'd like to work at one.  I realize I will still have to work with the old folks even after I climb the ladder but if I specialize in pediatrics then I'll be there on most days.  I do like old people, but the videos we watch in clinicals are all the warning videos about how rude some of the people at nursing homes can be.  That scares me, but hey when I first started working at The Maxx I was scared.  I got over though.  I've been there for almost a year now and I quite enjoy it.  I'm no longer scared, I now what I'm doing.  I didn't at first and I had my rude customers, I still do.  You can't get out of that when you work with the public.  New beginnings are scary but I know it will be OK.  By June I'll be a CNA and if I'm lucky I can get a job for the summer at Life Care or the VA and start saving to take the test and then I can go to college and be an RN and... yea.  Haha.  I know I'm really unfocused and I'll probably write a blog tomorrow about how much I don't want to be a nurse, but I'll stick to it anyways and then it'll be OK.  

 

Faith

When someone says they believe in God, you think, that person has faith.  

There's a need to have faith in God, because for the most part that's all we have.  With the world always telling us that God is some sort of comfort or whatever, and that He doesn't really exist we really do have to have strong faith to back that up.  I'm the kind of person that absorbs all the opinions around me and tries to find a way to like or agree with them all.  I'm not very oppionated at all... there are however a few things I strongly believe in.  Those things take a lot of faith for me because I'm so easily persuaded.  Well anyways this is kind just a prologue into what this blog is really for...

So I learned today that we have to learn to have faith in people too.  That's something I really need to work on.  I asked my friend Brandon to go to lunch with me and I haven't been friends with him for very long, and he's like a HXC pothead so I figured hey, he'll probably forget.  Now, as legit as those reasons are I still should have given him the benefit of the doubt.  I ended up waiting for about 5 minutes and I saw everyone leaving and so I just left without him.  He then texted me later and said I forgot to wait for him.  I felt so bad because we didn't really understand where we were supposed to meet so he was somewhere waiting, and I was somewhere waiting... I felt so bad.  I should have called him but I didn't want to seem all annoying if he did in fact forget or decide he didn't want to go... it was a really lame thing for me to do...  Well we are just going to have to go to lunch another time cause I'm pretty sure he wasn't too bent up about it.  I just feel really bad that I was thinking he would leave me to wait like that.  Brandon is a real nice fella, maybe he is a pothead, but he's nice and I shouldn't have assumed he would ditch me.  Sorry man.

The Scariest Thing

The spiritual world.

To me, the scariest thing ever is the world in which demons and angels live.  We got talking about it at small group the other night, and I got so scared.  I was afraid to go to the bathroom... and I really had to go.  

I'm a scaredy cat already.  I can't watch two minutes of a scary movie without getting scared.  Sometimes I think about the first time I watched The Ring, or The Others and I get super scared.  One of the things that scares me the most is the reality of some of these scary movies.  The Ring and The Others are silly fiction and none of that could ever really happe, but like TX Chainsaw, or The Exorcism of Emily Rose, that's the kind of stuff that can really take place and it scares the crap out of me.  I think to myself, how would I act if that was me?  What if the TX chainsaw dude was coming after me?  Would I cry?  Would I find the strength in myself to pray?  What if I was just in my bed late at night and I saw demons?  Would I cry?  Would I find the strength in myself to pray?  I have no clue what I would do.  I don't think I could handle it.  

The spiritual world exists.  It lives, it breaths, it thrives.  Don't be a fool and ignore that.  Thanks to God and His Son, we are protected from that.  We shouldn't fear.  

I Know

I know what's really in my heart no matter how distracted I may become by silly things.  I know that who I really am, and who I really want to be is a beliver.  I want to love God with all that's in me.  That's all that matters right now is that I know that.  I know if I walked away from it all today, I would be lonely, desperate, and full of sorrow.  I honestly believe if I didn't have God in my life, I probably would have just killed myself last year.  Instead I kept believing that God was there for me, and He would provide for me what I needed.  He did just that.  Praise God.  

Untitled

I couldn't think of a title for this blog because I have a few things to say.  

My birtday was SO AWESOME!!!  Something that I have taken note of is that as you get older, biritdays seem to last all week long.  Once you begin making new friends, keeping old friends, and growing closer to your family, a birtday is something that isn't limited to one day.  

Wednesday was my birtday.  I couldn't have asked for a better night for my birtday to land on because it was JV worship night!  I'm often times blown away at the people God has blessed me with in my life.  A birthday is a time I tend to really reflect on things like that.  Of course it seems birtdays are always awesome, but this year my birthday was just a real time of reflection on what God has blessed me with in just this past year.  At this time last year I was feeling rather lonely, awkward and out of place.  I was working to become involved at Element church but often times feeling 100% ready to just dissappear, give up.  I am SO happy that I stuck it out.  Making friends takes time.  Maybe not for everyone, but definately for me.  I have to give credit to Bry.  If she hadn't showed up at youth group I probably would have quit.  Bry has such a never give up attitude and I admire her so much for that.  Because God sent her to me I was able to keep going and make absolutely amazing friends like Andy, Aubrey, Tori, Morgan, Curtis, Heather, even Nate and Torin, McKenzie and everyone else in Fusion.  They may be frustrating to talk to, and hard to understand, but I wouldn't doubt that I am too.  I love them all and feel blessed to know them.  

My birthday was just so special this year because I really thought about all of that.  I was texting Bry and she asked me "did you find out yet?"  I was like WHAT WHAT did I find what out?  She was like, "oh I didn't mean to send that to you."  Well courtesy of Jason Andy and Aubrey presented me with a birthday cake!  I honestly started to tear up a little bit.  When I told Bry she told me that that's what she meant when she texted me did you find out yet?  I was like oh you are sneaky.  Haha.  

My parents got me two cards for my birthday this year.  One was a heartfelt "we're so proud of you card."  I do believe I teared up a little bit.  The other was one of those awesome cards that plays music.  It had a picture of a chicken on it playing an accordion.  It said "IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!"  Then when you opened it up it said "CELEBRATE ACCORDION-LY!" and it played the chicken song!  I just smiled really big!  It was 4:30 something in the morning and I busted a move.  : )  

The weather was also absolutely beautiful for my birthday.  

We are starting small groups in Fusion.  It's something I'm really looking forward to.  I'm hoping to grow closer to everyone.  We're going to read Wild Goose Chase since the rest of the church is going to be reading it for the new series.  I read the first chapter today and found it to be incredible.  Books like that always rekindle the passion in my heart for Nicaragua.  It's so amazing to be passionate about something.  You just feel like you could pour your WHOLE heart into it without any regrets.  I'm so excited to be able to share the amazing experience with Bry this summer.  She's going to love it!

I was telling Bry the other day how most of my friends are older than me, and off doing adventerous things for God.  Sometimes I feel like I'm just stuck here and I can't do anything.  She made an aweosme point.  She said sometimes I feel that way to but then I think about the relationships I'm making here, and I think, I am doing something.  

I am doing something here.  The relationships I have made are a God send.  And not even just with people at Element.  The Marlow Family has been a huge blessing to me.  I met them at Calvary Chapel, and honestly could have never fathomed that I would still be in touch with them.  Amanda has been an amazing blessing to me as well.  When she reached out to ME to be my friend I was blown away at her willingness to spend time with a little girl like myself.  Although her parents are going to be in Tennesse I know Amanda and I will still keep in touch.  I absolutely needed her friendship last year and she is one of the most beautiful women I know.  I love talking with her because we can be silly and spontaneous, but we can be real and serious just as well.  I can remember a time we went to Target and got large icees cause they were a dollar cheaper.  We then found ourselves on a sugar high and we laughed and laughed in her car for at least an hour.  We probably burned off those icees from all the laughter.  I can also remember a time when I was struggling to fit in at Calvary anymore and Amanda just fit in like a puzzle piece.  She was taking me home and talking about Jake and Steven and I was feeling so lonely.   When she dropped me off she got out of her car and apologized and gave me a big hug.  I cried on her shoulder.  I know I will always have Amanda's "shoulder" to cry on.  

Another awesome friend God has blessed me with is Kirstin.  I've known that lady since kindergarten at least.  We hang out but once a week maybe.  She's just awesome though!  We always have a blast and she laughs at my utter outrageousness and I laugh at her sometimes cinnical (... I don't know how to spell that word.) remarks.  Her mom and my mom are friends too!  Haha how crazy.  I'm super stoked for her to come to Nicaragua this year because I know she'll love it too.  I also know she'll be a HUGE contribution to the team.  Kirstin is a hard worker.  

"Once I moved about like the wind, now I surrender to you and that is all."

I think that quote does a good job in summing up the way a body feels when they are addicted to something.  We all have our "addictions" sever or not and they are hard to lose.  I am currently fasting from coffee because my back got really tight the other day and I haven't been able to release.  It's better but it still hurts.  Too much caffeine can cause joint and muscle pain.  I wasn't so much getting my caffeine fix from coffee as from tea, so I haven't had any caffinated tea either.  It's been a little tough but I need to form a healthier habbit with it.  I don't believe I need to cut myself off from coffee completely.  I think fasting from coffee will be a good thing to do when I'm really struggling spiritually.  I'm on my sixth day without coffee and tea.  I have 15 days to go!