purpose

I think probably one of the biggest things I struggle with is finding a purpose.  I live my life three days ahead of the present and I never seem to allow myself to live in the moment.  One place I can truly say I live one hundred percent in the moment is Nicaragua.  I can't wait to go back!  I've been doubting my desire to go, but whenever I talk to Bry or Kirstin about it I just light up.  When we had our fundraiser dinner a lady I went with in 07 was there and she told me she thought I would never go back, but talking to me then she said she just saw a light in me.  I can't seem to find purpose in Cheyenne though.  When I think about it really hard I know there is one, and I know I'm right where I should be right now.  However, I just can't get that feeling when I'm up on stage doing worship, or in small group, or wherever.  I feel more alive doing spontaneous nonsense that really, doesn't have any purpose except fun.  Which is awesome, I'm 17 I have the privelage of being obnoxious and having fun and working one day a week and making it through 7 days on 50 bucks.  I wish I could live that up.  Sometimes I just feel too preoccupied with the future, what I'm going to do, what I'm going to be.  I need to find purpose NOW.  HERE.  My purpose may be to someday work for Peace and Hope and work in Nicaragua, but that's not what it is now and I need to stop living like it is.  If that's my purpose for the future, then my purpose now is to prepare for that.  However since I have no idea what God has planned for me then my purpose varies from day to day.  Tuesdays my purpose is to show up to youth group and maybe help some new people feel more comfortable.  Can't say I'm too good at that, but I'd say that's my purpose there.  Wednesdays my purpose is to help those kids praise God.  It's to be a role model, and I truly hope I am, especially for the young girls.  Fridays my purpose is to give The Marlow's a clean home and then whatever else I end up doing, babysitting, hangin' out, whatever.  Saturdays I hope I fulfill some bigger purpose at work... anyways... each day is a new purpose and it varies even from that schedule.  I gotta LIVE IN THE NOW!!!